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Monday, November 22nd, 2004
7:33 pm - missing something
i miss european bathroom floors, ribcages, backbones, bruises inside out,tea bag fights,trendy clothes with big hair, long coach rides, and linking arms with emy oversea.

current mood: lonely

(4 killed all the pain | die from medication)

Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
7:12 pm - your what keeps me believing.
i don't want to talk about it..

i'll be back in school sometime after thanksgiving.

current mood: sad

(2 killed all the pain | die from medication)

Monday, November 8th, 2004
4:53 pm - i'm done.
yesterday was so good. felt happy almost. normal almost. missed paul and jeff tons and i was so glad to see them.

today sucks. today sucks. today sucks.


current mood: sad

(2 killed all the pain | die from medication)

Friday, November 5th, 2004
6:40 pm - i'm having it out with the rain. it argues so long and so loud.
went to the doctor again today. was there yesterday too. spent the better half of the past two weeks waiting in waiting rooms, and talking to strangers,having them pry into my brain.
can't wait for sunday. working with jess 9-1 and then seeing
my favorite acushnet boys<33. haven't seen them since the end of august. can't wait. can't wait. can't wait.
for now walking to the pleshes in a few minutes..spending another friday night there. but sarah and ab don't mind. that's all for now.

current mood: anxious

(2 killed all the pain | die from medication)

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
8:09 pm - cigarette butts and other unmentionables.
i mentioned the unmentionables.

hate this. hate this. hate this.

i am a selfish, selfish girl. ew.

current mood: ashamed

(die from medication)

Monday, November 1st, 2004
4:44 pm - you made my headache. you were that great. and now you gone
feel like i'm going to throw up.felt like this since about 8:30 last night. didn't want to go to your house. tried to stay in the car but they made me come in. told me to try and fix it..make it better. but i can't fix what never went wrong. you just kinda sat there, wearing my pants, with this blank look on your face. like you didn't recognize me.looked at the floor and you stared past me. bit my tongue hard and tried not to cry. wanted to sit down next to you, but my legs were frozen in place..they couldn't move one step away from the door and closer to you. your so familiar. observing you from the other side of the frequency was surreal. last night wasn't real. it happened pretty quick and i don't really remember what was said. remember getting into matt's car and saying that i wish i'd stayed there. jess gave me a hug and hannah told me it would be ok. matt drove us home.sat there numb off hurt feelings and after jess and hannah left i cried until it was time for school. food doesn't stay down. the balance is left even more unbalanced. i must confess that i don't believe. somebody save me, because i'm drowning in my identidy. please save me.

current mood: sad

(die from medication)

Saturday, October 30th, 2004
6:28 pm - new el jay.
didn't do anything today. just sat around. collectively drank 7 cups of coffee. don'think i could sleep even if i tried. went to newbury comics to buy lua and take it easy (love nothing) and didn't have enough money. girl working there liked bright eyes too and thought i was cute so she gave me a dollar. my face turned so pink. home now.. listening to this cd is so good. gotta do my project on the electoral college soon. prolly won't even do it. keep staring at the phone hoping it will ring. but it doesn't and i know that you are not calling. halloween tomorrow. prolly just stay home. maybe go for a walk in the dark and watch all the little trick-or-treaters scurry around. miss being young like that and not having a worry or a fear. miss emy right now. maybe call her later.

current mood: embarrassed

(3 killed all the pain | die from medication)

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